Before and right up until the last few weeks of pregnancy I was very active, I went to my gym classes and I would go for walks with my partner or just take a walk to my mother’s house and I thought naively thought that once my baby came along I would still be going for walks to the park or to the gym. But I never imagined that having a baby would make me feel so alone and unmotivated.
I’ve mentioned in previous posts how much I like to be active and dislike being in the house all day and not being productive but all this has changed since having my baby.
There are some days where I do not leave the house at all and spend the whole day inside which I know isn’t healthy and I should leave the house even if it is just for five minutes but it’s easier said than done. It can be very hard to get yourself ready and leave the house when you aren’t mentally or physically ready to.
I really do love my baby and all the things I do for him, all the adjustments and changes that I’ve had to make to ensure he is ok do leave me feeling tired and exhausted which doesn’t make me feel like leaving the house at all. But I also think that I have a fear of leaving the house not looking 100% and being judged as a mother on my appearance and I am also scared of letting people know that some days are hard in case I get judged.
That being said, I do occasionally get a rare morning when I wake up feeling so motivated and energised to do something productive, go for a walk or get a quick workout in. Most mornings however by the time I’ve sorted out baby and sorted myself out getting ready to leave he will just burst into tears for no reason which means I have to spend the next hour or so calming him and by the time he is calm I am too exhausted and cannot be bothered to leave the house.
Most days I’m just too exhausted from him crying all night to leave the house and I feel like hiding in the house. Iam still getting used to my post-partum body and I know this contributes to how low I feel. I still do not feel or look as good as I used too in my pre-pregnancy clothes. I know it sounds vain but I miss my old body, how can you leave the house if you don’t feel comfortable in yourself??
I know I am moaning a lot but this is just how I feel, but I am very happy to say that I have a very supportive partner and family who are willing to help me out whenever I ask for help but I feel like I am the only person who can get myself properly motivated.
I made a promise to myself that I will force myself to leave the house more and get out even when I don’t feel I have any motivation at all. I have signed up for a Mother and Baby Pilates Class and a Buggy Exercise Class. I had no idea these classes existed but a little search on Google on one of my many days stuck inside proved very useful.
I’m really looking forward to the classes, not only will I get fitter but hopefully I can make some mum friends, baby and I will get to do some socialising and I will feel better mentally. I do occasionally get little small, simple wins during the day such as a nice long bath, or the opportunity to put some makeup on or even just putting on some nail polish which make me feel better.
I know a lot of these things are to do with my appearance, but I do honestly believe that once I start these classes, I will start feeling better about myself and gain confidence which will in turn help me become more confident.
Thank you for reading my post.